lose 7lbs. without lifting a muscle!!!

Friday, September 05, 2008 | 18:24

that’s right. i did it and you can too!! lose 7 pounds in just 38 hours and you don’t even have to leave your bed. the secret? eat at epic roasthouse and order the new york strip. if you didn’t know (i didn’t), food poisoning can rear its ugly head within an hour. if you’re lucky, like me, you’ll feel sick just as you’re leaving the restaurant and you’ll be able to use THEIR toilets to vomit in so you won’t have to clean up the mess at home.

expert tip: to lose an extra 1.5 to 2lbs look down at the lovely present you’ve left your friend john. when you realized the $40+ you just spent on a steak is lying in a toilet you’re sure to yak again.  and in my case one more time after that.  but that’s only 2 to 3lbs. you say?  don’t worry.  you’ll spend the next 24-48 hours either diarrhea-ing it out or sweating it out from your awesomely high fever.

i spent the last 40 hours only leaving bed for a maximum of 15 minutes.  you feel rather lost when you go to bed on wednesday and wake up on friday.  my conclusion was that nothing has really happened.  cnn.com still stands for Crappy News Network.  my portfolio lost a few hundred bucks.  nothing new there.  oh, except i had a gift waiting for me from the gilt groupe when i woke up.  let me know if you want a personal invitation to gilt!

posted in rants