the search

Monday, February 16, 2009 | 02:33

not the google kind. the meaning kind.

for over a decade I have served in the music ministries of various churches. and for a decade I have battled with finding a way to “worship” as we go through the motions of singing songs and playing music. I have come to the realization that for me, the best way to do so is rock out and let go.

i’ll be honest. i wasn’t feeling it tonight. i didn’t know I wasn’t feeling it until it was all said and done. i thought to myself, “did i just lead tonight? well that was thoroughly unimpressive.” turns out having a 100 people singing back at you doesn’t do all that much for encouragement. the incredible thing is that there is the slight possibility that while you weren’t feeling it in the least bit, someone else totally could have been.

i am searching for some way to feel as if what i do on Sundays is actually honoring to God and not just going through the motions. i’m searching for a way to know if the words that people are supposedly confessing with their lips are more than words on a screen and cookie cutter chord progressions.

i want to know that church is more than just a social gathering of people that are largely cut from the same cloth. whether it be the color of skin and hair or socioeconomically, why do birds of a feather always seem to flock together? i want to know that we’re bringing something more to the table than just some Joel Osteen-esque health and wealth mentality. we might think that guy sounds like a looney when he preaches, but how many of us live our lives the way he talks about, believing we should get anything we want and never have to suffer a day in our lives, without even thinking about it or without someone telling us?

i am on a search for something deeper.

posted in life